Those Phrases shared by A Parent That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the reality soon turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct phrases "You are not in a good place. You must get support. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable discussing the strain on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still internalise negative ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a show of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a break - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I believe my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."